eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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