Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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