the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
