did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
