I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
