Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
