I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
