He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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