whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
