Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
