Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
