My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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