piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
