did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
