omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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