I was born with a shot glass in my hand
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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