Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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