I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Help. Why am I so naked?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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