and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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