Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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