how do flat chested girls get laid?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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