I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
