In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
