I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
