He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
