Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
