Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
