I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
