Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
