i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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