nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
