she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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