dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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