its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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