What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
