out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
