Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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