Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
