i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
