I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
ugly people sure do ruin things
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
