I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Will exercising make me less horny?
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