I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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