this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
