Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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