I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
