she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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