just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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