yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
