Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
