Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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