god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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