Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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