my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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