we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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