He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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