well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
