if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
