I have demons in me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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