good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
