I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
