Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
